As humans, we all hate uncertainty, whether it is not knowing where we stand in a relationship or what will happen to an ailing parent or if we will get paid in time to pay our bills this month. The content will be different for everyone, but our response is the same- STRESS!
We often do all sorts of things to try get rid of that feeling or to distract ourselves from it – sleeping, texting, drinking, eating, worrying about things we can’t control, focusing on the past or future, sex, working too much, etc.
There are couple of simple things that can help us create certainty even in the face of uncertain situations- in a healthy way. Make your good deed for the day to try these for yourself and Pay It Forward- share this information so others can too!
I know that I know that I would be fierce to protect my children. I would fight a bear, lift a car, or run into a burning house. I would do anything to protect them. I know this right down to the core of who I am. It is a solid feeling, like there is nothing that can take that knowing away from me, and it really wouldn’t matter what anyone else would say, if they believed me or not, I wouldn’t even need to convince them, because I JUST KNOW. There is no uncertainty, no self doubt, no need to prove that I am right to others. It is a calm, confident feeling when I think about this.
We all have at least one thing that we allow ourselves to JUST KNOW. It is that thing that even if everyone else in the world told you that you were wrong about it, nothing could change that you know what you know. It may be about protecting someone or something, about your experience of something that happened in the past or about your what you feel you are meant to do, your calling in life- it can really be about just about anything.
Think about one of these things that you know that you know – now notice how that feels in your body, in your head. Notice that solid, confident feeling. Notice how any anxiety about other people’s judgments or thoughts disappear and stop mattering about this, that you somehow just have permission to do what you would need to do in that situation.
That feeling you are getting is you being at 5 Bars, like when a cell phone has good reception, and everything goes smoothly, the signal is clear! When we are aligned with our strong and healthy self, we feel like this! We KNOW that our experience is valid (even if no one else saw it that way), we are clear, calm and confident.
Anxiety and distress often comes from fighting what we know that we know, and this usually happens because there is some old learning that is telling us that it isn’t safe or ok for us to give ourselves permission to know what we know (ie. being angry or disappointed in a loved one, setting boundaries with family or people in positions of authority etc).
What it comes down to is looking a WORKABILITY– is holding onto those old messages helping or hurting me right now? If it is hurting me, am I willing to be FLEXIBLE and respond to this situation from the PRESENT, seeing if it really is dangerous to know what I know. Am I WILLING to follow what will make me feel STRONGER vs WEAKER if that is how I start to LIVE from that place of confidence, calmness and knowing, even when sometimes that certainty comes from knowing that the best thing to do at the moment is to be kind to ourselves and use our supports as we sit in the face of uncertainty that is outside of our control.
1. Find and surround yourself with other people who AMPLIFY your signal. No one can make us strong, they can only reflect back to us parts of ourselves we are ready and willing to see, but, surrounding ourselves with people who are SAFE, accepting, supportive and who call us on our unhealthy acting out and excuses can REMIND us and REFLECT to us, our own strong and healthy self.
2. Find the ways that you can AMPLIFY your own SIGNAL. This may be by ANCHORING (associating a time we felt strong and healthy ) to a place (i.e. nature, a meditation room), a smell, a taste, a particular type of music or an action we do (ie. running, playing guitar, for me it is dancing) or being around animals. For some it is through being creative (writing, painting etc). For others it is not about Anchoring, it is about BEING PRESENT with our strong and healthy self in that very moment, so mindfully drinking a glass of water or meditating and deliberately making room to allow the signal to grow can make a huge difference.
Whatever it is for you, get curious and notice when and where you naturally feel yourself closer to or at 5 bars and where and when you feel you are at less than that. Get creative and find ways to amplify your signal when you need it most.
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Have a great week and remember to Pay It Forward!